life inside the music box

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:04:50 GMT

It's interesting that no one on my f-list seems to be aware that Michael Jackson is dead...

...or was I not supposed to mention it?

Nehrhad.f

Thu, 28 May 2009 06:42:53 GMT

I've recently noticed how gracefully I take compliments nowadays.
And I really do owe it all to my mother.
And a childhood enriched with performance opportunity, and thus, an opportunity to say, "Thank you," to those who tell me I performed well.

But many other people aren't so...accepting of praise.
And it really is unfortunate for them.
You don't want to appear rude or self-aware by saying thank you, so you settle for something almost worst - appearing insecure.

I guess I can say that I'd like to help these people take compliments with a smile.
Not sure how.
Not sure why, even.
But I can start small.

I made some New Year resolutions...though really, I should call them Summer 2009 resolutions. And eventually, hopefully, they'll morph into good habits, known as my Junior Year Resolutions.
I'll look back and write about Sophomore year sometime soon, because I haven't done this journal justice. I've been out doing things, rather than sitting in my room thinking about doing them, and pitying myself for not having any friends to do them with. So...that has changed fairly rapidly this past year, and though I guess I've managed to post bits and pieces of the angsty parts, I haven't really written about the best parts of my best year ever.
Hopefully I can work up enough motivation to finish such a journal entry...at least I'm beyond the point of believing that someone's reading this, so I don't have to worry about impressing anybody or making it short enough for them to want to read.

This one's for me. When I...develop dementia and can't remember my lovely past, so I have it all written down to remind me.
I...watched The Notebook today.

fjksdal.

Thu, 21 May 2009 05:04:40 GMT

Kaylee's thought to herself waking up this morning:
We should dress up as Lucy and Ricky...for something...

Brandon's thought this evening, over Facebook chat:
i'm listening to cielito lindo right now.
some day we should be lucy and ricky for something

We need to stop doing that.

Ok. I feel a little better.

Fri, 15 May 2009 04:43:45 GMT

Whenever a girl says that she feels ugly, I wish that every other girl in the room wouldn't rush over and tell her the opposite.
Because it really doesn't change anything.
You can tell her that she's beautiful all you want, but until she makes herself believe it, nothing you say will come close to changing her mind.
It's just the way it is.

Life...is...really hard when you've become dispassionate about it.
I do a lot of watching, a lot of listening, but not a lot of talking.
A lot of people think I'm sad when they see me sitting around, taking everything in, and I wouldn't say that I'm sad.
I just don't have anything worthwhile to say.

Not like I can ever find the right opportunity to speak, anyway.
The people I spend all of my time with are loud, outspoken, spit-fire story-telling type of people.
I can be that way sometimes...but these people are, all the time. It's intimidating, and I find it a lot easier to just not even try to speak.
But apparently I look sad when I listen...so. I guess I'll try not to look as sad.

I need to get over this guilt about talking deeply about myself...
You know it's a problem when YOU write about YOURSELF in YOUR Livejournal that nobody reads, and you still feel like you're wasting somebody's time.

Haha.

Sun, 03 May 2009 00:40:47 GMT

It says I last posted an entry 1 day ago, and I don't believe that, but maybe it's true.

I am a 16 year old girl, and so I've been reading a lot of quote journals on Xanga. I'm not sure how this began, or why it's so fun, but it always highlights my day somehow, being able to read what I feel in words that I find difficulty in saying myself.
I guess that's the point...it's like horoscopes or the fortunes in fortune cookies. They choose something easily relatable to just about anyone's life, to make the person believe that it's some cosmic force giving them the message, when really...it only applies because you look for an excuse to make it apply.

I've also been reading a lot of Seventeen and Girl's Life. Again, I don't know when or why this started, it just did, and it's fun. I guess I've recently realized that I've been 16 for a long time now - almost half a year - even though it went so fast. So I'm deciding that now is the time to enjoy my youth, rather than waste it.

Though, sometimes I'm afraid that I am just too aware of life for my own good.

School.

Fri, 01 May 2009 06:09:05 GMT

So...I've never really struggled with a class before, so this whole, "Having a C in Algebra" situation is new and scary to me.
It's not that I don't understand it, I just can't put any energy into wanting to learn it. And the worksheets are terrible...she assigns ahead of her lesson plan, as in, the homework covers what she will teach the day it's due. Because of this ~~ludicrous~~ gaaaayyy method of teaching, I just let the worksheets pile up until the end of the unit, when I understand all of it WITHOUT doing any worksheets at all, and that's when I do them.
My method is more practical and works a lot better...but it's also doing a great job of earning me a C.

So...on an opposite note, I was accepted into the National Honors Society.
Despite being the dumbass that I am, you know.

p.s.

musical's going great.
After having a really terrible, depressing Monday, I've decided to change my attitude, among other things. So far it's been good.
And I guess that's all I have to say about it for now, aha.

Of all the things to be worried about...

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 05:57:47 GMT

I'm worrying over the possibility that I might be too good, that all the directors will want to cast me tomorrow, which means I might not get the only part I want that is available.

...it's hard to be talented. (:

crush

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 04:45:55 GMT

Unmentioned in my previous entry, I have my monthly crush, and this time, he actually talks to me!

But...I realize in most cases, the people that talk to me are the people that talk to everyone. It's never because I'm special. (not a blow to myself, it's been accepted as fact.)

It's extremely unlikely that he likes me back, but I've grown mature enough to see that it's not that big of a deal. In fact...I think that I really just want to...know him. You know? Because I think he's really cool.

And if he does like me...well. I like him, too, obviously, so I think we can work something out there. (:

ffffffffffffffffffffff

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 04:19:11 GMT

I've pinpointed all of my problems to my lack of sleep.
I am irritable.
I am, for the most part, disinterested in everything.
And I am paranoid.

I try to compensate by organizing things - I organize my homework folder every few hours, but somehow, I never get around to actually doing the homework I'm organizing.

I guess I'm also compensating by making myself look good...because it's one thing to be ugly and grumpy, it's another to be pretty and grumpy. The former is just generally unpleasant, the latter says, "She's just having a bad day...judging by how she looks, her shit's usually together." That doesn't mean it's logical, though.

But on to some better things...well, these things aren't really THAT much better, but it's a step.

I've recently started accept things a lot more, to stop fighting against it. I've realized that my previous inability to grasp this concept of "just letting it go" was because I was fed by my own excuses, and drama I kept perpetuating gave me excuses.

I've accepted that if Mr. Davis has made up his mind about not liking me, there's nothing I can do about it, but also that I should try as hard as I do in that class not to impress him, but to impress and content myself.

I've accepted that if a guy doesn't say he likes you after a while, he doesn't like you. To quote He's Just Not That Into You (surprisingly good movie) - "if a guy likes you, he'll make it happen."

I've accepted that I'm not perfect, and that a lot of things in my near and distant future will require work.

I've accepted that Humans are just Humans, and aren't worth the time psychoanalyzing every single thing certain examples do or say.

I've accepted that staying at rehearsals later than is required with the hopes of a certain person at that late rehearsal talking to you is a waste of time, because they never talk to you when you want them to. Go home, he isn't worth your time if that time is better-spent elsewhere. And don't you dare go on Facebook the minute you get home to see if he updated or something.

And lastly, I've accepted that true best friends DO need breaks from eachother.

I need to update this more often, because I have a lot of thoughts throughout the day...I mean, I guess I always have, but it's become increasingly more overwhelming.

P.S. I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird for English.
I realize that that sentence has been written/said by trillions of students across the planet.
And I have to say, I love the writing style. Basically I decide if I hate the writing style five pages into the novel. And 80% of the time, I do, because all I have time to read are the books that are assigned. (and really, I don't even have time to read those) Because my school has eliminated Honors English 9 & 10, we're reading below grade level now. And even if we do happen to get a somewhat complicated read, my teacher explains and dumbs down every single chapter, and we spend a week discussing the same passages, over and over.
When it all comes down to it...English is the most pointless class ever. For someone like me, at least. Because I freaking understand books. Taking pages of tedious and pointless notes on each tiny plotpoint of the book isn't teaching me anything. I ask myself and answer comprehension questions as I'm reading, IN MY HEAD. So can't I just like, fill a quota of 2 books a month and not have to take English ever again?
You know, I really honestly cannot think of one thing that I've learned in that class this year.

I think I'm seriously done...like I said, more later.

Life is too much for a 16 year old. That's why many don't really have one.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 06:19:32 GMT

So, some small but extremely stressful things are already, or potentially, happening at this current point in my life.
I don't talk about it.
I don't write about it.
And as of late, I'm trying not to think about it.
The former two of the three are because I don't know how. I don't know what to say. And I guess that's part of the reason I'm stressed...I can't communicate. I don't know if it's because I have a huge filter in my head that is judgmental of everything about to exit it, or it's that I simply don't have the capacity to capture anything worth talking about into words, or both, or what. But it frustrates me, and my philosophy is that the more I try to force it out, the more frustrated I will become.
I will only talk about my feelings when I want to.
I will no longer let them be pulled out of me by someone else, because that is completely counter-productive.

As for the third...the not-thinking-about-it part. Well. Yeah. I do believe I've earned the right and opportunity this spring break I now have to relax, ignore everything.
I think that is hard for people. We are programmed to be responsible, to be prompt, to focus, to do as we're told - all of this accumulates, eventually in life, into a huge wad of crippling alertness that fails to allow us time to have a vacation. A mental one.
We are not allowed to leave our minds. We are not allowed to take more than a few moments to be emotional, to have mental breakdowns, to feel mentally and emotionally unwell. None of these are excuses to take a mental vacation to relax our minds, even if there is no authoritative voice telling us we can't, we are there to tell ourselves. That's the way we are - if you're told something enough times, you begin to tell yourself.

So instead, I'm giving myself permission to chill, which is probably the first step of a 12 step process. I feel like I have a lot to figure out ahead of me, but the process of figuring it all out involves presenting even more flaws that I'm already aware of - my modesty and selflessness about my own feelings, my social awkwardness, my feeling like I've literally lost some of my communication skills.
All of these must be overcome to move on to the next step - and I believe that the step before all of this, Step 1, is to relax and prepare for what is about to hit me.

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:47:12 GMT

tomorrow's very, very rough schedule

wake up at 6:00 am
finish biology homework 6:15 am - 6:30 am
get ready for school 6:30 am - 7:30 am
practice music 7:30 am - 8:00 am
school 8:45 am - 3:20 pm
free time/miscellaneous 3:30 pm - 3:45 pm
chemistry homework 3:45 pm - 4:15 pm
algebra homework 4:15 pm - 4:45 pm
eat 4:45 pm - 5:00 pm
shower/get ready for concert 5:00 pm - 5:45 pm
concert 6:00 pm - 9:30 pm
finish leftover homework 9:45 pm - 10:30 pm

I need a break from like...the universe.

Oh Jesus.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 06:06:24 GMT

TO DO OVER THE WEEKEND:

ALGEBRA
- worksheets 5.5 and 5.6
CHEMISTRY
- finish lab questions
GOVERNMENT
- pink sheet
ENGLISH
- To Kill a Mockingbird, catch up to chapter 13
- TKAM writing prompts
- TKAM chapters 6-8 packet questions
- TKAM discussion questions on chapters 11-13

CAVELLES
- practice like hell
- memorize like hell
- work like hell
BIOLOGY
- Genetics packet
- Cow genetics
- Spongebob genetics
- Jamal Jenkins Declercque's birth announcement
DRAMA
- write critique of Our Town

SEUSSICAL
- practice music already learned
- try to start learning Who songs
- read more Dr. Seuss

GIRL SCOUTS
- look at Gold Award booklet
- Write Now! activity book

OTHER
- laundry
- tidy up
- SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

IMPORTANT DATES TO REMEMBER:
Lunchbox Theater
& Choir Concert
Tuesday, March 17th

Wicked!
Wednesday, March 25th

Stuff...wow.

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 07:07:31 GMT

The word that I've been using a lot lately to describe people:

pretentious

It pretty much applies to just about everyone I encounter lately...

It's times like these when I truly realize how much experience I really do have, and how much I have progressed from the spoiled daughter of the dance teacher to the beacon of maturity I am now.
Having been on every square inch of the theater spectrum, from the crippling sidestage crew to the title role, I've felt it ALL before. The excitement of getting THE part, the world-ending disappointment of not getting a part at all...nothing that could potentially happen will surprise me and turn me into a bragging, pretentious buttface like everyone else becomes when they get a lead, or even when they have no choice but to be on the crew, in which case they only whine and whine about how talented they are and that there's no reason why they're not in the cast. (something I spent a fair amount of time doing, honestly.)

Having grown from that, and thankful that I did, I only shake my head at those who are learning. I mean, obviously they're learning - I was probably as annoying as they are when I was in their situation - but at the same time, you can't help but be very bothered by it, you know?

The description of "pretentious" is also granted to people who are just in my classes, and I don't really have THAT much of a reason to have this opinion of them, but I do. The frustration of Musical People sort of leaks into everything else, making me initially angry with things, and then small little things done by people I hardly even know bug me a whole lot more than they should.
So, when Peyton speaks of her atheism and her beliefs in the power of feminism/the stupidity of man, I'm just like, "whoa, you are actually really stupid, seriously shut up." Because she's 16, and you can go ahead and believe that you shit intelligence because you read Freud this one time because you were bored, but if you can't back up what you say about religion, or explain Freud at all, then it only proves that you announce your ideals just to appear unique and nonconformist. Pretentious, I say.

Jacob is...an idiot. He's in my biology class, and in the middle of Mr. Gwin's lectures, he would raise his hand and say something like, "Actually, I read something online and it said this...blahblahblah I use big words without knowing what they mean, rarararara."
Mr. Gwin has picked up on this kid's pretense, and often calls on him to answer a question that is ACTUALLY relevant to the discussion, and when Jacob can't answer or answers it incorrectly - which is 95% of the time - it's really awesome. I can see the satisfaction on Mr. Gwin's face. Because you can't just throw big words out there and expect them to be correct because they sound intelligent.
Stupid. Pretentious.

I am aware that I'm not being very accepting at all...the problem is that I don't care. I excuse any annoyance I let show by blaming it on stress, which is an acceptable claim...I had been on a friendship roller coaster for a while, and the ride finally ended (though I have this impending feeling that we're just going to hop back in line again, but that's another journal entry entirely.) and...just, yeah, acting life. Musicals are a lot more taxing and exhausting than anything else, and it's not any easier if you're not in the best mood or physical state (haven't slept well for a long time) in the first place. Plus, I did a Promises performance tour thing yesterday, and the process of doing so takes two full days of CONSTANT chaos and motion and acting. That just drained me.

I've recently accepted that I'm just not an outwardly kind person, because when I am kind, I don't feel like myself at all. And it's so uncomfortable for me. So, instead, I'm blunt. And I commentary. And I laugh to myself during class because it's so candid how funny some things are.

So it's midnight.
I think it will end here.

but first p.s.
Things are better...until they get worse, because that always happens RIGHT after I write about it.

TEegasdf

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 21:41:33 GMT

It's both overwhelming and extremely exciting when you learn that childhood movies and storybooks are metaphors for REAL things.
You read a lot Dr. Seuss in your later years, and all you can think about is how genius it is.

Whatever was bad before, it's better now. I think it was mostly me being me, and I am really worrisome about the things that hardly deserve the amount of concern I give them.

Brandon and I were going to see Urinetown last night, but his rehearsal went a lot later than was anticipated, so it was too late to go. Instead we hung out at my house.
We watched Lion King II: Simba's Pride, and we both agreed that it was the best sequel Disney ever made, hands down.
Also, I suppose it's worth mentioning that he knows as much Disney trivia as I do. Which is impressive, because I absorb a looot of information. He's also been to Disneyland almost as many times as I have, which is also impressive.
We had intentions to go on his Myspace and make fun of the majority of his 538 "friends," many of which he fosters a burning hatred for, and when asked why they're his friends on Myspace, he says, "I'm popular and I don't know why." Obviously, I have a list of reasons why, but I decided that's another conversation for another day.
Anyway, by the time he had logged on Myspace and started to go through his friend catalog, we had pretty much lost interest.

No witty ending to this entry. Haha.

Japa-Jew-ese...

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 06:44:57 GMT

Scott, the gigantic Japanese junior: Yeah, well, Solomon, I'm Jewish, too.
Solomon: Bullshit.
Scott: Seriously! None of you believe me! None of you believe that an Asian can be Jewish.
Solomon: ...
Scott: You won't let me have a religion, is that it?

later...

Scott: Whoa, whoa whoa, my pencil almost rolled off the desk and I caught it. Praise Jesus.
Kaylee: I thought you were Jewish.
Scott: ...you're a slut.

And another thing...

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:28:22 GMT

I think I've officially decided that I don't need a boyfriend, because I feel like I'm already freaking married.

Some things.

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 03:43:45 GMT

I thought I liked Algebra.
Then logarithms and polynomials and graphing quadratics happened, and suddenly, I'm in tears.
Today, after school, I took the unit final that I had missed due to absence, and I honestly don't think I've worked so hard on a test in my life. I am a test taking machine - I was the only one in all six of Ms. Doyle's classes to get a perfect score on the nervous system test, and I studied for the first time ten minutes before taking it.

I've since realized that the reason is because every test I've taken previously have been easy to crack the code to - multiple choice is my specialty.
So when I'm given blank graphs and a 3-step logarithm thing to fill the graph with, I can't do it. Add to it the fact that I was absent for half of the unit when I was supposed to learn all of it, and you've got a nice looking F. Maybe a D if I didn't make any silly mistakes, but I always make silly mistakes.

Needless to say, I've taken to relaxing my way through school over the last decade, because it's always been easy...to no fault of mine.
Obviously, this screws me over when I actually have to do the work.

...no child left behind. ):

Oh, and yeah, musical cast list will be posted tomorrow MORNING.
I can't wait. Like. Really. I can't wait.
I wasn't on the list for secondary callbacks this afternoon, which at first worried me, because everyone else who was at the first callbacks was on it. And then Brandon told me that Andrew Garcia wasn't on the list either. And Andrew has bitchin' talent. We both think it's because Andrew has already been cast, as the Cat in the Hat. (honestly, one look at the guy would tell you that he's perfect for the part.)

So this means one of two things - I'm already cast in a part, or I'm just in the chorus and nothing else. Both of which I'm fine with, but of course, the former would be cooler than the latter, no matter how cool the latter is!

And yet there's a part of me that believes it's just too good to be true...and that my name won't be on the list at all, even though he said on Thursday that we all made it in.
An irrational fear, I agree.

I realize that I have no life that isn't lived on a stage.

I never feel like actually updating.

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 08:34:16 GMT

I just finished my first hour long phone conversation of my life.

It began at approximately 11:11.
I say approximately because I looked at the clock a few minutes into the conversation, and it was 11:14.

also...colorgenics is pretty stupid, but it gave me an accurate result, I guess.

Name: kaylee
Date: 2/15/2009
Colorgenics Number: 36421507

You appear to others around you as a person who is simply 'laid back'. From time to time you shelve your ambitions and forgo the desire for prestige and recognition and you are often considered as mentally lazy. You have the ability and you are the first to know this, but you prefer to take things easy and indulge your longing for comfort and security.

In the past there have been - and maybe there still are - many things that you have had to do without. You have now decided to set your sights on a position or situation that could give you greater prestige and which will afford you considerable self esteem.

You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offence. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone and unwanted.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

College.

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:50:20 GMT

So, I recently got my PSAT scores.
When I took the test, I put my email address on it to receive information from interested colleges.

I guess a lot of them are interested.

A death too close to home.

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 01:56:00 GMT

Last night, a fellow sophomore at my school was shot downtown.

I did not know her.
I only somewhat recognize her face.
But I can't stop thinking about her.

You must know what I'm talking about, that feeling of mortality.
Not necessarily fear, but...the fact that if she was my friend, she would be gone.
I would have lost her.

And the fact that it could have easily been me, just going to a dance party on a Saturday night.

I'm not sure I believe it quite yet, but thoughts of an impending school day are beginning to make me wonder how the student body will cope with this.

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 06:10:15 GMT

So, it's 10:00 pm, last night, and I had just finished up studying for my chemistry final. I was about to like, pass out from exhaustion when a paper falls out of my homework folder. It was the description/directions to a collage project for Future Focus about our future lives. And it's due the next day.

This part of my story is admittedly my fault - I did not manage time as well as I should have.
But in my defense, he hardly mentioned the project in class, which generally means I'm not going to remember it being assigned. This applies here.

So back to last night.
This happened:

Not having any energy to go downstairs and print it out, I waited until morning.

The printer never works when I need it.

Failing to print it out, I did what you should do in this situation and I e-mailed the file to him. I will make this clear from the beginning: I did not intend for him waste time printing it out for me, I only wanted him to have the collage so that he could grade it from his computer screen. I thought I was doing the noble thing.

Wrong.

I walked into Future Focus, and find out we're presenting the collages for credit. Well, ok, but I don't have mine, we established this.

So of course I never volunteer, and eventually we simply run out of time, leaving about a fourth of the class still needing to present. I figure now I have the weekend to try and print out my collage so I can present it, but first I go up to Mr. K after class to ask him if he got my email. He sounds annoyed as he states the affirmative, and hands me a black and white copy of my collage, about half the size of the original.

I can't really do anything with this copy, but I don't say anything. He talks instead. "I'm not very happy about you depending on me to print your papers out for you. When you have printer trouble, you need to figure it out yourself and fix the problem. But don't cast your problems on me," he says, and my mouth is just agape. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It just...really made me mad, and I couldn't even speak. Fix the problem myself? I THOUGHT I DID. I did more than a lot of people would do! At least I e-mailed him!

Then he says to the people still in the classroom and me, "Also - you only get partial credit for this project if you didn't present today."
...WHAT? YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
There are, chronologically, not enough minutes in one class period to allow everyone to present in one day. It's just impossible.
YOU CANNOT DEDUCT POINTS JUST BECAUSE TIME MOVES TOO QUICKLY.
I understand that it is the end of the semester, and the end of Future Focus, but all of us are just carrying over to his Government class for second semester. Why he couldn't make the presentations part of next semester's grade is beyond me.

So of course, I was just standing there, stewing in my own anger. Rather than say anything in response, I do one of those slow, frustrated sighs, shake my head, and I just walk out of the classroom.

To understand my dilemma further, it's worth knowing that Future Focus is the only class that I have a B in. I have an A in everything else - and I'm not taking easy classes.
It's a class that is PURELY based on reflections about ourselves.
And writing essays and making stupid-ass collages about it.

I cannot say no.

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:31:34 GMT

I guess I just updated, but that didn't count.
This one does.

I am an actress.

Zap! is in production, opening in 3 weeks.
Lunchbox Theater starts next week, and I'm in a 20 minute play...for the entire 20 minutes.
I'm in my abstinence drama troupe, and I'm scheduled for 2 performances next month.

AND in addition to things that are already happening, I'm auditioning on Tuesday for a reader's theater kind of thing.
It was on pure impulse, really - and the fact that it is being directed by the same man who is directing the spring musical had a LOT to do with it.

At least I don't have a similar vice to food or cocaine.

As much as I hate to say it, this was actually a pretty decent essay...for me.

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:19:12 GMT

I Would Starve

“The best actors do not let the wheels show.”
– Henry Fonda

If you ask anyone, they will most likely say that acting is a better hobby than an occupation. If you ask me, I will say that I don’t think this is necessarily true.

This opinion comes from a girl who is psychologically built for the job – in love with attention, precise in detail, high consideration of appearance, linguistic intelligence, a strong ability to demonstrate things, dedicated, hard-working, and cooperative. At least, that’s what I’m told, and those descriptions fit the Kaylee I’ve come to know so far. It’s easy to see how these qualities tie in to the passion of mine that is acting, as it is the combined efforts of presence and strenuous work. I believe I’m prepared.

"Only a great actor finds the difficulties of the actor's art infinite."
- Ellen Terry

Due to the prevalence of this occupation in our culture, it is easy to see the skills required to have a successful acting career. The actor’s job is to entertain, and whether or not entertainment is achieved is what measures success. Because it is a performance based career, there are many skills that are outwardly put on display – a loud and clear tone of voice, ability to move well, and ability to express emotions. All of these qualities in an actor help to reach the major goal of putting on a production: to tell a story. And to effectively achieve this, the actor applies additional skills to the task at hand that take place in the rehearsal process.

The first of these is interpretation of text. Acting is much more than memorizing and reciting words. Actors are given the words, and through analysis, they find emotion and meaning in what they will be saying. Secondly is character development, which requires an understanding of the mind, and using that to create a complete person to play. In addition to interpretation of the material, there are personality traits that contribute to success in acting. These include determination, cooperation with cast and crew, responsibility to memorize lines on time, and patience.

"Study, find all the good teachers and study with them, get involved in acting to act, not to be famous or for the money. Do plays. It's not worth it if you are just in it for the money. You have to love it."
- Philip Seymour Hoffman

One thing about this occupation that is attractive to people is the fact that it doesn’t require a degree. Training is acquired through taking classes from a drama coach, as well as lessons in other areas that are helpful to broadening an actor’s range of skills, such as music and dance. Getting hired is dependent upon the actor’s talent, and the more they refine their talent with training, the easier it is for them.

Actors work in many different theaters, sometimes even outdoors. They have to adapt to this change of environment, as well as to sometimes being very close to fellow actors on stage. Also, every decision made by one actor can affect the entire production. The hours for this occupation vary immensely, and change from job to job. Some days can be very long. But actors also have the opportunity to travel if their show is on the road.

There is the popular title of a, “starving artist,” that very much applies to many actors who have yet to make their big break. The pay is low, at under $2,000 a month at entry level, and $2,700 at median level. However, actors who belong to a union are provided health insurance and a pension fund. Still, the income is so low that many actors have additional jobs to add to their income and provide an income between acting jobs. Yet, I would starve.

This craft has existed for hundreds of years, and with the invention of motion pictures, radio, television and the internet, technology has only expanded the opportunity to act and be seen. The internet in particular has made it possible for more people to direct and share videos and films, which means an increased demand for actors to be in said videos and films. Also, independent films are flourishing, providing more jobs for those who aren’t movie stars…yet. It can be predicted that these trends will continue, leaving the market more open than it ever has been before. But that doesn’t mean it will be easy, as being an actor is being in one big competition. Advancement in this occupation is infinite – an actor can always get bigger and bigger roles.

"Without wonder and insight, acting is just a trade. With it, it becomes creation."
- Bette Davis

My quest to become an actor begins now, in high school, where gaining a world of acting experience is easily attainable. It is obvious that the thing I must do here at the school in order to obtain this career and know that I enjoy it is to…act. To take part in the drama curriculum, participate in the plays, and even join the choir, all three of which have already been taken care of since freshman year. I plan to continue what I am currently doing, which is the right thing.

Beyond high school, I am interested in taking theater in college as well, as a minor. I’d like to major in Psychology, and I am very interested in Southern Oregon University in Ashland, home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.

Which leads me to my 10 year goal – I would like to perform regularly in the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. The festival provides steady employment, as it is more of an acting company that keeps its actors as long as the actors will stay. I also happen to be absolutely in love with everything about the OSF, especially its quality productions and impeccable actors. In 10 years, I will be one of them, or at least extremely close.
In most cases, an artistic career is frowned upon by many, because it has its rough patches. But if acting is such a terrible career to aspire to, than why does it even exist? The answer is simple – because it feels good. To command attention, to entertain and move someone, and to feel eternally rewarded each time you take a bow…that’s why they do it.
And so do I.

Doo doo doo.

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:15:02 GMT

FINALS WEEK
the master list

DAY 1, TUESDAY
ALGEBRA - no final exam
CHEMISTRY - no final exam
FUTURE FOCUS - career essay due
ENGLISH - begin state writing test practice

DAY 2, WEDNESDAY
CAVELLES - prepare for surprise music theory exam
BIOLOGY - no final exam, all work due
DRAMA - lunchbox theater scene, perform as final exam
HEALTH SCIENCES - healthcare abbreviations exam

DAY 1, THURSDAY
ALGEBRA - final exam
CHEMISTRY - final exam
FUTURE FOCUS - ATTACH INTERVIEW TO ESSAY
ENGLISH - complete state writing test practice

DAY 2, FRIDAY
CAVELLES - prepare for surprise music theory exam
BIOLOGY - mitosis flipbook
DRAMA - lunchbox theater scene, FINAL final performance
HEALTH SCIENCES - done

MUST STUDY
Chemistry (see review sheet)
Algebra (circles, reflection, inverse)
Lines for lunchbox theater (emotional range/diversity, naturalism and all that method shit)

MISCELLANEOUS DATES TO REMEMBER
THURSDAY - Counselor meeting, have forecasting finished
THURSDAY NIGHT - Promises Christmas party
SATURDAY NIGHT - Monopoly night/sleepover
JANUARY 31st - Winter Formal, dress is generally required, ensure that one is in possession

FIND TIME TO
Eat
Sleep
Read
Exercise
Live

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:32:38 GMT

So I went to the thespian improv show Friday night with people whose company I'm not sure I enjoy, and we sat in the second row.

The last thing anyone could expect happened; a Quailman reference was made. QUAILMAN.

I felt so cool as I was the only laughing, and Mark pointed at me from the stage in the middle of the game like, "Ahhh yes, you too know of the great Quailman. You shall be my wife."